I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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