My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
