And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't deserve a penis
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
