Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
