You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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