How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
