wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
