It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
