it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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