I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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