You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize