So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
