Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
