I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
