tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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