just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
