Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
