It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
