Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
