No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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