WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
