How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
