did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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