I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
