the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
