fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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