Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Randomize