Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
