I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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