We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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