i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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