The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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