SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
