ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
