i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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