can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize