Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
