Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
