Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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