Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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