Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
