i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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