Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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