my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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