Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
