He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
