The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
