Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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