She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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