So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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