Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
