M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
the day after is always just damage control
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
