omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
