All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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