We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
cat food counts as protein by the way
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
