her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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