Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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