I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
