peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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