I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
