so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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