I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize