im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
sex in a hospital.. check
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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