I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
