so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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