He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
