So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
