I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
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