When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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