Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
