Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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