They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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