Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize
