You made me cry and you don't even care
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
