im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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