I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
