Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i think i just lost a toe
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
