Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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