He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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