Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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