Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
